*** C'mon - let's have a laugh! ***

A good pun is its own re-word. So here goes:

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes. 

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. 

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery. 

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative. 

Practice safe eating - always use condiments. 

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. 

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded. 

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before. 

A hangover is the wrath of grapes. 

Corduroy pillows are making headlines. 

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome? 

Sea captains don't like crew cuts. 

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? 

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter. 

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumour. 

Without geometry, life is pointless. 

When you dream in colour, it's a pigment of your imagination. 

Reading while sunbathing makes you - well - red. 

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. 

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before. 

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I. 

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired. 

What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!) 

A backward poet writes inverse. 

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. 

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed. 

With her marriage, Pat got a new name and a dress. 

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you A flat miner.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds. 

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered. 

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. 

He had to break into song because he couldn't find the key. 

Your calendar's days are numbered. 

A lot of money is tainted. It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine. 

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. 

He had a photographic memory that was never developed. 

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. 

Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall. 

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. 

When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye. 

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis. 

Are Santa's helpers subordinate clauses? 

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

And finally;

If you prefer philosophy to equestrianism you're probably putting Descartes before the horse.